Oh, wait, sorry about that, I forgot something in the set up, the sign on the building says Coke-A-Cola and the sign on the board room door says “The Diet Department”. Now I’m sure -I’m lieing- that’s not how it happened, -you know it was- but if the goon squads of organizations such as TRUTH have taught me anything, it’s that when something addictive is put in a product it’s placed there with specific purpose to harm the user. -thanks for the heads up TRUTH goons- Aspartame, by the way, is the substance that Johnson was referring to. It’s in all diet sodas. It is severely, chemically addictive, that’s why Diet soda drinkers get those wicked migraines if they don’t get their fix. How effective is it? Let’s just skip the scene display and imagine the tobacco executives -think dark rooms, hushed gravely voices; evil, very evil- saying, “God if only we had their numbers”. My mother-in-law enjoys goating me about my smoking, mostly because she quit, but cannot understand when I retort about her crazy Diet soda addiction. -literally every liquid in their home is diet, I think I may have even seen some diet water once- This is the thing that makes me so angry about all of this, I knew smoking was addictive and bad for me, and all that, when I started, but most people have no idea the dangers of Aspartame. Some blame the caffeine – which is habit forming but not addictive in soda- but most buy into some crazy notion that it’s not as bad for you as regular soda. -and light cigarettes aren’t as bad as full flavored- Here’s the skinny, soda, in all of its forms is unhealthy, artificial carbonation is bad, the sugar is bad, its all bad, but what ever; drink it, I won’t judge. There is, apparently, nothing in this world that won’t kill you, so smoke crack, worship Satan and drink your diet soda.-and ill keep puffin away-

+Tax those with money to pay for those without money
If the fat cats in washington want to spend their paychecks paying for the poor they should adopt a family or something, but enough of my hard earned money goes bye bye before I see it, I don’t want to lose anymore.

+Force companies to offer health care
While I like the concept of this one, most companies offer crappy coverage at best. This is the best idea though with two add ons:
One: You only get the health care if you work for it, period.
Two: If you force them to offer it you need to force them to offer actually useful coverage.

+This one falls under the ‘I told you so’ column. Tax sugary soda. Yes, this is an actual idea, by our so called officials, TAX BLOODY FRICKIN SUGARY SODA!

We’re stick with the soda thing here because it’s just socialism 101 to take from those who have and give to those who have not and the vast volumes of anger I have for that concept prevents me from even forming words about it, but the soda. I wrote, just yesterday in fact, about the cigarette tax bs and warned of the dangers of allowing it to happen, well the dangers are here. – man these guys are wasting no time- The thing is, I do not drink soda but once in a blue moon. I don’t drink soda because it’s bad for you, -yet I smoke… Oh well, have to pick your battles some where- artificial sugars and carbonation are really bad for you and if you drink anything diet you might as well just grab a crack pipe. -read todays Shorty- I don’t care if you drink the crap though, just like you shouldn’t care if I smoke or if Joe Blow down the block smokes pot, it’s none of your damned business. -it’s most certainly none of the governments business- The sited reason for the soda tax: improving American health in the interest of making health care less expensive. Ok, if I have my head wrapped around this right, I think part of me is ok with that. -god I hate when I’m conflicted- Americans should be healthier, we have way to many fat bodies -Full Metal Jacket, what?- in this country, but why should I have to pay more because of their obesity? Insurance companies have the ability to raise premiums for a reason, if you weigh 500 pounds, you are a high risk case and don’t deserve the premiums I have earned by being the picture of health. -yes, I smoke, but my 110% lung capacity is telling you to piss off with that look you’re giving me right now- If you’re fat, get off your lazy ass and do something about it, control your own diet, work out, do something, or just go die. If I dropped dead from lung cancer no one would shed a tear for me because I’m ‘just an evil smoker’ but some fat ass can’t get health coverage and it’s a terrible blight on society, well you know what fat people are a blight on my line of site and that is detrimental to me and therefore should be illegal, yes illegal to be fat; but I digress. I want to know why the hell we’re paying Fubar to come up with these asinine ideas. If you were tasked with creating a solution where you work and you came up with crap like this you’d be fired. I’m going to repeat this because it bares repeating: They came for the smokers, but I was not a smoker so I said nothing. They came for the soda drinkers, but I was not a soda drinker, so I said nothing. What is wrong with everyone? I can’t really be the only person in this country that thinks Fubar taxing us into social change is not right, legal or even a good idea. You can’t tax soda. Do you know why you can’t tax soda? The same reason you can’t tax beer and cigarettes: you just end up with poorer fat people. No fat ass American, or any American for that matter, -but especially the fat ones- is going to stop doing something they want to do just because it costs more. Smokes and soda first, beer and fatty food after that and by 2012 all our classic cars are gone. What the hell will be left? A tax on sex? -I will leave this country so god damned fast- The sad thing is, we’re getting what we deserve. This is the product of too many stupid people voting without regard for the consequences, this is too many people thinking that they can just have a taste of socialism and now we’re all stuck getting the whole rotten pie. -and I’m more of a cherry guy myself-

A) “Sir, while I have you pulled over for not wearing your seat belt I noticed something suspicious in you back seat /that you’re black / that your car smells funny, I’m going to have to search you.” “But officer, I was wearing my seat belt.” “Oh I guess you were, my mistake, please unbuckle it and step out of the vehicle.” Get the idea? -by the way, if you don’t get the idea, I wish to see you beaten with a night stick.-

B) Pay attention to this one it directly relates to C. The whole seat belt thing is kind of a myth. – don’t go cross-eyed on me- Yea, a myth, in that with the majority of accidents you could get into a seat belt will do more harm than good, especially in low speed accidents and the only shot at them helping is when they prevent you from being ejected from the vehicle.-though I think I’d like to take me chances with the windshield and asphalt over getting decapitated, thank you-

C) Where in the hell is personal choice in this? A seat belt, and whether or not I wear one, should be no one elses business but my own. I get giving someone a ticket or arresting them for neglect or beating them with a night stick for not strapping a child in, but what I and the other adults in my vehicle do is my business. I am so tired of the government making things up and then wringing money out of us based on crap they just pulled out of their asses. Also, at least where I am, crime is high, why don’t the pork chops stop chasing my money and start doing what I pay them do, protect and serve!

I have a plan though, I do! It is clinically proven that listening to and being forced to adhere to, too many stupid laws is bad for people -see how the game works, bet if I twisted a bunch of numbers around I could make that seem perfectly valid-, therefore anyone caught passing such a law will be fined $300 per offense, anyone that looks like they might be doing it will be pulled over and subject to a cavity search. -that last parts just cause I want the government to take it up the ass too-

I’m talking taxation first because it is really wrapped up around the little black, bureaucratic heart of the giant fubar beast (and we shall call him Fubar and he shall be our Fubar and we shall love him and squeeze him and put little bows in his hair, well until he puts our babies on spikes and tells us how to run our lives) that is big government -which I loath so dearly- Maybe I really am just a wording and honesty guy, because I think I’d be more comfortable with all this if Obama had just walked out onto the balcony of his pillar and announced to us lowly peasants that he was increasing the tobacco taxes and tightening restrictions because he’s God and he knows all and we little people are too stupid to run our own lived -it’s really more like because he can’t find any real solutions to the economy problem he so fervently promised to fix, but I’m asking for a little honesty I don’t want the world to fall off its axis-. But he didn’t, he fed the American retard -the bulk of any voter base- some crock about health and what not. Well you know what, EVERYTHING IS BAD FOR YOU! You can’t really eat anything, because everything causes either some kind of cancer or fat or ccholesterol -I’ll save the fat people rant for another time-, and be watchful of those cell phones for they cause brain tumors and god damn it have you ever driven on I-4? – if you can avoid doing so you will greatly increase your odds of living to see tomorrow, by the way- Don’t work, don’t play, don’t breath and for the love of all things liberal don’t blink -you could go blind-. So, here’s the biggest question, what gets taxed next? Well, Obama the mighty savior of us all, may decide that booze are just too bad for you so we’ll need a 2- dollar-per-12-ounce tax on that, fast food kills -but only if you’re a lazy fat ass- so we’ll need to make burgers 20 bucks a piece, candy rots your teeth so we’ll need a 5 dollar tax on that; get the idea yet? Taxes in general are not the issue here -though a national flat tax would solve a hell of a lot more problems than throwing imaginary money-, the issue is that King Obama and his pet Fubar know that while they can’t start another prohibition -black market cheese burger, extra grease- they can tax the living hell out everything they feel is socially detrimental, everything that aren’t cappable of handeling on our own. They had this thing to get Americans amped up over the holocaust, something about they came for the Jews, but I was not Jewish so I said nothing ect ect ect, well, they have come for the smokers, and so since you are not a smoker should you say nothing? When they come for the drinker, if you are not a drinker will say nothing? Well, when they come for you and there’s no one left to say anything, I hope they take something dear to you.

That, by the way, brings me to the worst part of all of this, the warped mind set of the people. I was listening to the radio on my way to work a week ago or so, as I generally do, and was listening to my favorite morning show, Fisher and Boy and The Morning X, !!free plug alert!!! (I really do love this show, it’s local to just the Tampa Bay Market on FM 97.1, but if you want to check them out go to 97xonline.com, definitely worth a listen) and they got on the topic of this whole tobacco tax thing -not a very political show mind you- and I was appalled by the opinion of the show host when he soap-boxed on what a great idea it is. That got me to thinking about just how backward our thinking really is when we can’t look past the legislations of our government to the contexts and social, political and economical implications they present. We don’t even try to think about it apparently! I wish the Fishers of the world -I’m sure that not only does he not read the Report, he couldn’t care less about what I have to say, so don’t worry kids I’m not offending anyone- would look around a little. It’s great if you don’t smoke, but what gives you the right to tell someone who does what to do? And a better question, do I now have more rights than Fisher and other non smokers because I now pay higher taxes? If I’m going to pay the government more, I want more in return. I’m not sure when we stopped viewing government as something we run and started viewing it as something that runs us, but it’s high time we got it straight again. This question is specifically for you non smokers to ponder, if any other service that you use, we’ll use the power company, picked your block out of its grid and imposed a high and absurd rate increase on you, how would that make you feel? Would you at least demand better services than the next block over that’s not paying the increase? The government is supposed to be a service agency, we pay them to do services for us, therefore what they must be saying is that tobacco users now have more rights, so can I use the extra tax revenue Fubar is munching on to buy back indoor smoking? -just something wrong with a waffle house that doesn’t have a din of smoke over it- Can I use it for lower property taxes? Can I use to for something that non smokers won’t be able to use it for at least? – I’m just sayin’, lets be fair here-

The question I have is, who did the smokers piss off? How did we end up the fat kid on the playground? Is it because we have the most outright show of personal choice? It because we can choose, while knowing tobacco can have health risks, to use it anyway? Yea, that has to be it, I think that it scares Fubar and that’s why he bit our hand, it can’t be that the government is unfairly singling out a group of people and over taxing them for its own benefit, that would never happen -yea and GW was a brilliant mastermind, Billie Bob really didn’t have sexual relations, and good ole’ Dick really just forgot to take his meds and isn’t a creepy war monger; I have swamp land for sale if you want too-.

***Quick after thought on the subject of freedom in personal choice, a dear friend of my in the Florida PUFMM movement will be doing a guest entry next week, so be sure to read it for ways you can help Americans be free.***

A) It is considered fact that over the passing of time the planet changes its climate on a global level, it is not a fact however, that a meteor struck the planet and caused an ice age-it’s just good for movies at this point- so for now we’ll blame global climate change on the dinosaurs for not giving up their big diesel engines. (Random did you know! Did you know that every X millions of years the magnetic poles of the planet switch? Been doing it since the plants plates formed, look up Mariana Trench Research -I feel so Bill Nye)

B) (And this is aimed at my hatred of the ‘a hole in the ozone layer’ thing) Lighting creates ozone. You know how you get more lightening and stronger storms? ‘Pollution’ and pollen, watch the first major storm of the summer after all the trees are done sexin’ it up, it’s quite stunning.
b) Side bar, gases such as CO and CO2 are not pollution, the planet makes them on its own and has reactions in place to deal with them, nuclear waste is pollution, and should only be discarded properly, by being berried in third world countries -sorry South America-.

C)The “Environmental Sciences” are a billion dollar a year venture, Green Peace is a bunch a hippies who are angry at mommy and daddy, there’s no money in natural global climate change -well not yet, I’m working on it though- and Al Gore is just an idiot who is just really, really bitter about losing an election to the “worst president ever” -another rant for another day.

D) This one is most definitely my favorite; Since the modern era of record keeping and the monstrous growth in the use of fossil fuels, there has been a steady DECREASE in volcanos and earth quakes. Yea, we still get some here and there and they are terrible things, but the fact of the mater is, we just don’t see as many as we used to. The theory behind this -this is some nifty stuff so pay attention lefty- is that by removing oil from underground we are releasing specific pressures on the tectonic plates, ergo less earth quakes and volcanoes. Here’s the crazy thing, the planet natural dispels billions of gallons of oil into the ocean through deep sea vents and volcanoes spew out the same stuff our engines do; planetary balance is beautiful, is it not?

5) -yea I changed it up- This last one is a combination of A and D. It is generally accepted science that during the original forming of the Earth’s atmosphere there were thousands of volcanoes erupting all at once, spewing immeasurable amounts of ‘pollution’ and spawning vicious lightening storm of the likes of which we’ve never seen. Has the planet changed that much, or is it more likely that the propaganda of man made global warming is either looking at our history through a straw or -and I tend to believe this one- selectively picking and choosing what it wants to show us. In order to make the best case for its self.

I don’t care what you choose to believe, all I’m saying is that you should -and I know this is a stretch- think over both sides of the argument. What got me thinking about all this again was a story a few weeks ago in the paper which detailed an ‘environmental release’ by the Obama administration which depicted the DOOM we’ve already brought upon ourselves and warned that if we all didn’t start driving Smart Cars -oh man is that another rant for another day, God those things piss me off- we’d be screwed. It was a rerelease of ‘findings’ from nearly a decade ago and uses the same warnings and prognostications from the eighties. So we’ve done better over the last 20 years? The world ‘pollutes’ less? No. We’ve done more, built more cars, put off more gases and we’re still in the same place we’ve been in. As we approach the 100 year mark of the Industrial Revolution, let’s take a look with an unbiased eye at what has become of our world. Should we make more efficient cars? Hell yea, we’re America for christ’s sake, our middle name is innovation, but should we be doing it in the name of saving the planet? What ever makes you sleep better at night sweetheart, but please leave my classic muscle cars and my big diesel trucks alone, the only way their going to hurt you is when I ram your hybrid.

So, here it is, the July List Of The Top Ten Things I’m Just Plain Sick Of Hearing About!

10) Sarah Palin
This ones really just too easy, but did anyone even know Alaska had a governor before the last presidential election? Why are we still hearing this woman’s name?

9) Hurricanes.
Ok, this ones sort of a personal thing and really won’t make any sense to you unless you live in Florida or another hurricane prone area, but we get it already, IT’S HURRICANE SEASON! I’m very afraid, really, boots shaking’ and all. I’m lookin’ at you weather channel. I know you are 24/7 weather and there are only so many times you can tell me the same forecast during the day, but please stop telling me we’re all going to be blown away this year, stop pointing to every little tropic wave that may have a slight hook to it like its the next Andrew (Katrina wasn’t that bad as far as storms go, by the way), and I swear to god I’m going to blow up your station if you show one more special on extraordinary weather. How about you just work towards giving me an accurate forecast hmm?

8 ) Jon and Kate Plus 8… Really? This is something Americans actually care about? Really? All I’m saying is if you care about this story, don’t you have any dreams of your own to work towards to make your life less pathetic? Or at least some laundry or dishes to do? Why is there a TV or internet access in your kitchen anyway!?!

7) How tough the homeless have it. (Catching a recurring theme with this one?) Read ‘A Culture Of Spange’ and stop giving money to beggars.

6) CNN VS Fox News! Who’s More Evil!
Here’s the answer… Wait for it… Wait…. Trick question! MSNBC! Props to both the Communist News Network and The Voice Of The Evil Empire (the VEE if you will) for sticking to their guns and not reporting news but instead hours and hours and endless hours of talking heads pretending to give you the new. I say MSNBC (PussyNewsNetwork if you so please) is the most evil because they are too chicken to stand up for their right to be slanted and biased and for instead giving us poor coverage and hours of the same reels splooged onto your TVs and web browsers. Argument over, just let it go.

5) Iran’s Election
While this story really did peak my interest in its first few weeks, now that it has been drug into the July cycle like a hooker by a Kennedy, I’m done with it. It was wondrous to watch a nations youth rise up for their freedom and heart wrenching to seem them put down, but really, the main stream media is still playing the shocked card? It’s over, find a new story. And hey, if you guys don’t want to move your news crews out of the area, how about some actual reporting on threat that is Iran. VEE calm your asses down and give it to us straight, CNN pull your lips off of Obamas butt cheeks for five minutes and give us an actual news story, and PNN, well, you guys just do what ever, no one watches anyways.

4) Rush Limbaugh being the voice of the Republican party.
Yes, we know that Rush has a big mouth and a massive audience, but give it a rest, pushing this on the Republican party now is like poking a retard with a stick after you’ve taken his fluffy away.
But I did for a brief time find this one interesting for a few reasons:

• 1) Does anyone besides Rush actually think he’s the voice of the party?
• 2) Why haven’t the people that do been sent for reprogramming and sterilization?
• 3) If a dinosaur falls dead in the woods and no one cares, does it actually happen?

3) Global Warming
Read tomorrows edition of The Azrael Report ‘Ice In The Oven’ for the rant to this, but for now all I say is, if you’re still trying to scare us with this crap, at least update your schpeal from 1982.

2)The GM (Government Motors) Bailouts. One more financial report on this and my head quite possibly will explode. The thing I don’t understand, is why the federal government was allowed to buy an industry they had a large hand in bankrupting? Report on that and I may care again.

1) And finally, the number one thing I am most sick of hearing about this month (it’s not that big of a surprise really) Michael Jackson… He’s dead, in case you haven’t heard… And this is the official last time I’ll be talking about him, unless his new tour goes off without a hitch.

A) If a ‘homeless’ man can spange $800 a week, I no longer want to pay for him with any of my tax money. Either they get state services or they get my change, not both.

B) If a ‘homeless’ man can afford food, water and shelter, he is not a homeless man, he is a leech an the left ass cheek of the American people and should be shot to put us out of his misery.

C) If someone is able to live on the streets they are not disabled. You are a gullible fucktwit if you feel otherwise.

D) This ones the most important for you creepy liberals, so if you voted for Mr. Obama on the principles of socialism, please read very carefully. Socialized anything, from heath care on up, does not work when everyone does not contribute, to think otherwise makes you either an idiot or incompetent and in either case your right to vote should be revoked; if you want to socialize America, go for it, but only if you’re willing to go Stalin on some bums ass. Basically, either put up or shut up.

Now, before you bleeding hearts get all worked up into a tizzy, I’m not as horrible as I sound. I’m not against helping a brother in need. There are large portions of out of work Americans that have mouths to feed and bills to pay and go, with a tear in their eye and a knot in their gut, to the welfare office to get the help they need, the help that they, through a life time of work, have earned and those are the people I’m willing to help. If you started getting welfare or started spanging at 16 and you’re still doing it at 30, all I’m saying is bullets are cheaper than welfare.

Part One: Cut The Cord: If you’ve been on welfare for more than five years, there is something wrong with you. Either you need to be committed to the state because you’re too feeble or too mentally incompetent to work, or you need to go some where and starve to death, either way I’m sick of paying for your ass to sit around and do nothing (at best you’re doing nothing, you’re probably smoking crack, spreading disease and making more welfare babies.)

Part Two: A Change In Mind Set: Earn your keep, that’s all I’m saying. You have no right to welfare if you’re 19 and you held a part time job at Mcy D’s for six weeks. Welfare is for those who earn it. I don’t care that you’re 19 with four kids, they should have been taken from you and you should have been sterilized. If you can’t stay out of jail long enough to support yourself, you don’t deserve welfare, put your nose to the grind stone and make it work, either that or go starve, you don’t deserve any of my paycheck for being a delinquent. If your legs don’t work, go work in a call center, if your fingers don’t work, go do customer service, if you’re blind become a teacher of the blind; you are not special and you are by no means any better than any of the countless ‘disabled’ Americans who make it work everyday. God only helps those who help themselves, why in the world should I have to help you if you don’t do anything?

Part Three:No More Excuses: America wastes so much money on education it’s disgusting. I’m not saying do away with the education system, I’m saying change the way we think about. If little Johnny wants to sit home and smoke pot, that’s his problem not my kid’s problem. If little Suzy doesn’t feel like working hard to study, then screw her, teach her how to do something remedial and send her on her way. Not every kid is smart, not every kid should go to college, hell most of them should never see high school. Here’s the solution, in eighth grade (which, by the way, is more than enough time to learn how to read, write and do basic math) every child takes a test, it’s a multi-parter with different styles of questions and it take into account some unavoidable learning disabilities (no A.D.D. is not a learning disability, you slap the taste out of the kids mouth a few times he’ll sit still) and by the end of eighth grade you find out if you go to high school or not. We don’t need more teachers, we need less students. If you worked hard enough to pass the test then you go to high school and continue learning, taking another test every year until you take the test that says you’re able to go to college. Everyone else gets put into various trades and in one big push we’ve done everything the liberals want: Small class sizes, saving billions on education, and by god we may even start to be competitive in the world again. Children are the future and we’ve taught them to be lazy; we’ve taught them that it’s ok not to be the best or really even try to be the best, someone will always take care of me; we’ve taught them that education is a right, not a privilege.

Part Four: Right VS Privilege: We as a nation have become rather backasswards in our thinking on this subject and I think it’s what leads to a lot of our problems. I think the quickest, cleanest way to fix our country is to make people have drive again. First and foremost, voting is a privilege, not a right. If you don’t work, you can’t vote. If you don’t speak English, you can’t vote. If you can’t pass third grade, you can’t vote. If you have no clue what’s going on in the world around you, you can’t vote. I’m not saying we go back to land owners only, but if you’ve been on welfare your whole life, you shouldn’t have a say in how working people’s money gets spent, it’s that simple. Now I know what you’re thinking, the poor Democrats will no longer have a strong voting base, but tough cookies, the Republicans are screwed too. If you eliminate the useless ‘voters’ you give independents a shot, since we’re generally more educated and aware- generally.

Now, you let parts one through four work their magic over the next five to ten years, saving trillions on education and welfare and then you spring part five, my personal favorite.

Part Five: Being Smart With Health care: Health care For All! (Yea, holy hell the guy that wants to shoot bums and make lazy children dig ditches wants universal health care) Again, HEALTHCARE for ALL! But only if we’ve achieved the ultimate goal of steps one through four, getting rid of the useless, the vagrant, the lazy and the leechy -it very well maybe a word. Here’s my vision of universal health care -bring on the Wayne’s World shimmer- all working adults and their families have health care provided by the state, they pay the government already, its an easy payment system that’s already in place. In a sweeping reform we make all illicit drugs legal (pots not illicit, for those of you who are still living in the reefer madness stone age) -stay with me- but deny medical treatment to anyone who’s on them, saving the system billions and killing off the drug population and only a few years.

What have we achieved with the Five Part Plan? An efficient education system, welfare working for the American people and not the lazy, universal health care, a balanced budget and the real American dream, “if I work hard, I can achieve great things”

Doesn’t sound so bad huh?